Thursday, July 21, 2011

{Calling all angels}


I have some kind of repelling shield around my little love cottage.
The shield does not allow music to come through the radio airwaves into the house.
OH WAIT!!!
Let me take that back.
I DO get one oldies and one Latino station.
Neither of which I am impressed with.
So a lot of my music pleasure is brought to me on satellite TV.
I saw a wonderful "crossroads" concert on Palladia.
They had crossed roads with Pat Monahan [lead singer of Train], and ol' what's her toe, Martina McBride.
Love Train [Pat Monahan]....not so much love for M.M.
Anyway, together they make good harmony in spite of my judgements of M.M
Check this out:

Pat was asked a lil' somethin' somethin' about the meanings of his song "Calling all angels".
He said that people assume the song is about religion or spirituality. 
And it is neither.
It is about your own internal goods and uglies.

Pat said that he was going through a very hard time in his life.  He had consulted a counselor to help him sort out his issues.  The counselor told him:
"In each one of us, we have a traitor and an angel.
It's time you start calling all your angels from within to help you."

I think this statement so profound.
It softens a person and takes away the hate, anomocity, and black thoughts.
I would rather be influenced by my angels than be a traitor to anyone.....
especially to myself.


Thursday, July 14, 2011


{things that ROCK my world}



Finding a sweet little health food store only 15 miles away,
ROCKS MY WORLD!!!!!
This is the place that supplies my fresh ground peanut butter addiction.
Cuz if momma doesn't have her afternoon nut delight on a cracker,
THEN EVERYONE PAYS!!!
I have weird food cravings and if I can't have what I want, I just don't eat.
no eat=cranky bitch momma
hmmmm.....I wonder why my boys always encourage me to 
take time for myself  
[which means, get the hell away from us cranky mommapants!] 
AND to enjoy a shopping day at Mount Hope Foods! 
[which also means, buy peanut butter in Utah type bulk because we think you are a mommacrazywomannutbreath!] 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~



For your reading pleasure, I am giving you TWO things in ONE post that 
ROCK the shit out of my world!!!
[obviously I've had my fix of peanut butter today!  I'm feeling very froggy and generous]


24 HR gel eyeliner has saved my face from looking like Alice Cooper in this AZ heat and humidity!!!!
[I seriously  have black smeared front to back and up/down and all around my eyeballs from the sweat when I use a pencil.  I've never really noticed this problem happening before, except maybe from a drunken laugh.]
It does what it promises and is just as easy (possibly easier) as using a pencil.  A bit spendy ($9), but worth every penny!!!  I only have to use small amounts of the gel so I'm thinking this shiz could help me clear through the end of the year!!!!

btw: thank the make-up god that I quit using eyeshadow a couple of years ago!!! 
[I just dust my lids with blush for a dash of color. This is what you resort to when you get old and lazy]
 Eyeshadow and AZ is like a high fiber diet:
slides off slick as shit!
ewww gross!!!
sorry!!!!
I told you I'm high on peanuts right now!!!!


Wednesday, July 13, 2011


{Chelise}




Happy 33rd birthday hot stuff!!!



We love you




Tuesday, July 12, 2011

{WTF in review}



Hello :)
Long time not talkee.
Sorry.
I am still dealing with numb-dumb brain.
But I wanted to give you a review of our events from last week anyway....
Wanna hear it???
Here it goes:

1~ Chelise got a calf and Miss Kitty thinks that she is the calf's momma.  She lays next to her and licks her nose.  Roxy on the other hand, [the cracked out toad eater]  licks the calf's butt area and lets it drop cowpies on her head....true story!

2~ While parking the Harley golf cart, Jax rammed the patio french doors on accident.
He thought the gas peddle was the brake and was continually pushing it while I was yelling "WHOA!!! WHOA!!!"  Not much harm done...a broken screen door and a dent in a metal door.  Thank God it's a rental house!
I can only imagine what will happen when he starts driving real cars!!
I'm very concerned.

3~ Randy fell off the back of his work truck.
You know when you think there is one more step down??  
AND THERE ISN'T!




{thought you might want to get a load of Rand's home on the road}

4~ At 2 am we heard a loud BOOM from our back porch.
When Randy checked the source of the ruckus,
he came face to face with a big-ass coon!
The coon came out with his paws drawn ready to defend
the bucket of dog food that he stole fair and square!
Coon-1  Randy-0

5~  Jax woke me early one morn excited to show me that he had shot a gopher between the eyes with just one bullet BB.
He was scared to see if it was still alive without momma back up.
I asked him why he doesn't just poke it with a stick to see if it moves.
He said,  "my lord mom!!!  
have you ever seen their teeth? 
 i'm not smart, but i'm not stupid either!"
After a few rocks being thrown to ensure gopher death, we walked over to pick up the remains with a shovel.
Yep!  Jax shot that big ol' leaf dead!
IT WAS A FREAKIN LEAF WE WERE TOYING WITH THE WHOLE TIME!

6~  Miss Kitty and Roxy tried to chase a skunk out of Chelise's yard.
Skunk-2    
 Roxy and M.K.-00
AND they need  to be in a vinegar douche bath chamber for another week!
uhhhhck!!!!
Chelise's house took a whoopin too.
That skunk juice attaches itself to everything it can land on.
It reminds me of a green haze ghost flowing trough windows, doors and cracks, demonizing everything in it's path.
The skunks are probably the worst "wild thing" I have encountered here in the Verd.

7~  We celebrated Lyrik's 2nd birthday at a super fun water park in Phoenix.
I made it down the dark tube slide alive, yet needed a margarita to back it up.
While standing at the poolside bar, I hear a dude behind me say in a country twang,
"yer hair is runnin' orange down yer back".
The dude was Kenneth, Katie's Tennessee lovah, 
and the orange was the remnants of my newly colored hair streaking dorkness down my back.
I will never be sophisticated!
dammit!

8~  While having a date night talk on the phone to Paula, I knocked a huge cockroach off of my head and on to my shoulder then flicked it onto the cement where I squished/popped him with my flip flop.
I never even said anything to Paula because I'm pretty sure that's something that would keep her from visiting.
But I guess you all should know the truth.
Bugs around here are the norm.
Cockroaches, crickets, beetles, spiders and moths.
But to compensate, we also get dragonflies, hummingbirds and huge butterflies.
I guess it's the yin yang of the country.

9~  We caught the skunk in a cage.
say hello to a 22 shell!
bye bye asshole!

10~  I wore short shorts.
I usually NEVER wear anything shorter than my knee cap because I have old lady skin and veins that look like rivers on a map.
But in this heat and humidity, I had no choice but to break out the daisy dukes!
I now have some understanding of why there are so many 
"People of Walmart" photos!
You just get to the point that you say,
 "hey! I would rather have YOU be in misery having look at me, 
then ME be in misery from a clothing sweat lodge!"
It's called survival.










Wednesday, July 6, 2011

{Todays new word is...}


I am experiencing my first real Arizona monsoon season as a resident.
With monsoon season, comes dust storms called "Habubs" pronounced "hah-boobs".
My new favorite word of the summer is
 HAH-BOOBs!!!
HAH-BOOBs
HAH-BOOBs
HAH-BOOBs
I'm sure there are a few  teenage boys that made it to second base this summer of 2011 and consider hah-boobs their favorite word too.
[wink, wink]

BTW:  Speaking of learning new words, I found it funny that Riv's AZ friend from the neighborhood didn't know what "heck" meant.
Guess you gotta be from Utah to know that there is no such thing as hell...unless you say the word hell, then you will definitely go to hell!  So in Utah we only say heck cuz we all want to go to heaven :)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

{You jus let dem play bingohhh}



Randy spent the last week (5 long days) working on equipment at a mine located near the four corners.
He said that he got the gammit of weather hysteria.....
wind
heat
sand blasts in orfaces
and hail, the size of golf balls.

I am as disappointed as you are that we are not looking at a picture of Randy doing a back bend over the 4-corners monument to prove that he had a body part in four states at once.  I'm envisioning his foot and ass area would be appropriate closer to the Colorado/New Mexico divide....and of course, his head and heart area in the Utah/Arizona split.

To help keep him company during this lonely time, he called upon the Native Spirits.  And No, I'm not talking about Injin alcohol or a squaw named Spirit!!!
I'm talking about
NAVAJO RADIO!!!!!!!!


This week in the Navajo Nation, the DJ encouraged all to:
GOHHH OUHHT AND HAVE A GREAT DAYHHH!
LET YOUR KIDS GOHHH PLAYHH BINGO IF DATS WHAT DEY WANT TO DOHHH!
DEY HAVE WORKEDHHH HARD FOR DER MONEYHHHH
AND DEY SHOULDHHH BE ABLE TO PLAYHH BINGO!
YOU JUS LET DEM PLAYHHH!
ALSO TODAYHHH,
GO OVER TO DA WAHHLMART AND SAY HELLO TO AN ELDER!
DEY CAN USE A SMILE!
DEY WORK HARD FOR DER MONEYHH TOOHHH!
ANYONE WHO WORKHHH HARD FOR DER MONEYHH CAN HAVE FUN PLAYING BINGO!
ALSO TODAYHHH,
WE WILL HAVE SOME BIGHHH WINDS,
AND HAIL WILL COME DOWN ON YOUHHH.

GOHHH OUHHT AND HAVE A GREAT DAYHHH!

After 10 minutes, Randy was very thankful for the invention of the ipod nano to get him through the week.

Even though he denies hitting the BINGO parlor while in Navajo country, I caught him yelling O-69 in his sleep last night ;)
sorry....that one was bad.









Monday, July 4, 2011



{Anyone have some water???
Cuz baby, I'm on FIYAH!}


Hey!!!
Look at me!!!
I'm a pharaoh!
A foil pharaoh that can tune in Tokyo AND any extra-terrestrial intelligence!
OH WAIT!
I'm getting some news in right now....
ddddt....ddddt....ddddt.......
The aliens would like me to tell the Earthpeeps a couple of things:
1~ Chaz Bono has been accepted into Mars and his/her citizenship to Venus has been revoked.
2~ Each time someone farts a Mexi-food, Asian-food, or Arab-type-food.....
it ads another ring of fire to Saturn.
Just an F.Y.I.

OK!! Enough about E.T!!!!
Let's talk about M.E!!!!!

My roots had grown a good 3-fingers, and I looked like a hag.
I keep saying that it's my blonde growing through my scalp, but I'm starting to question if it isn't really grey :(
Regardless, I looked like an old, bad haired, hag with a capital H!!!!!
Katie said that she would rescue my mane and work her magic to transform me into
ONE HOT MOMMA*!!!
She had learned a new technique and was dying to try it on someone.
(pun totally in ten did!)
I said "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"
And she did!!!!



*One hot momma means, my hair is done to look like it is on FIYAH!!!!!!
The scalp starts out VERY vibrant and then it gradually fades reds into a blonde at the ends.


IT'S GENIUS!!!!!
can you feel the heat????
I LOVE IT!!!!!
DO YOU LOVE IT?!?!?!?
I LOVE IT!!!!
DO YOU LOVE IT?!?!?!?


This is so much fun!
I feel like a ROCK STAR!!!
I figure that I only have a few good years left to be able to pull off these "funky-cold-medina" styles.
Trust me!  I'm not going to try to compete with Courtney Love*.
Who could compete with a hole on crack anyhow???
*Carol, this explanation is for you because you might be confused right now.
Courtney Love is a drugged out rock star and had a band named Hole.


I would like to thank my hair extraordinaire, Katie Scarlet, for making me feel
young, spunky, rockin, funky and HOT again!!!!
Thanks Kate:)
I needed that.