{WTF in review}

Hello :)

Long time not talkee.

Sorry.

I am still dealing with numb-dumb brain.

But I wanted to give you a review of our events from last week anyway....

Wanna hear it???

Here it goes:

1~ Chelise got a calf and Miss Kitty thinks that she is the calf's momma.  She lays next to her and licks her nose.  Roxy on the other hand, [the cracked out toad eater]  licks the calf's butt area and lets it drop cowpies on her head....true story!

2~ While parking the Harley golf cart, Jax rammed the patio french doors on accident.

He thought the gas peddle was the brake and was continually pushing it while I was yelling "WHOA!!! WHOA!!!"  Not much harm done...a broken screen door and a dent in a metal door.  Thank God it's a rental house!

I can only imagine what will happen when he starts driving real cars!!

I'm very concerned.

3~ Randy fell off the back of his work truck.

You know when you think there is one more step down??  

AND THERE ISN'T!

{thought you might want to get a load of Rand's home on the road}

4~ At 2 am we heard a loud BOOM from our back porch.

When Randy checked the source of the ruckus,

he came face to face with a big-ass coon!

The coon came out with his paws drawn ready to defend

the bucket of dog food that he stole fair and square!

Coon-1  Randy-0

5~  Jax woke me early one morn excited to show me that he had shot a gopher between the eyes with just one bullet BB.

He was scared to see if it was still alive without momma back up.

I asked him why he doesn't just poke it with a stick to see if it moves.

He said,  "my lord mom!!!  

have you ever seen their teeth? 

 i'm not smart, but i'm not stupid either!"

After a few rocks being thrown to ensure gopher death, we walked over to pick up the remains with a shovel.

Yep!  Jax shot that big ol' leaf dead!

IT WAS A FREAKIN LEAF WE WERE TOYING WITH THE WHOLE TIME!

6~  Miss Kitty and Roxy tried to chase a skunk out of Chelise's yard.

Skunk-2    

 Roxy and M.K.-00

AND they need  to be in a vinegar douche bath chamber for another week!

uhhhhck!!!!

Chelise's house took a whoopin too.

That skunk juice attaches itself to everything it can land on.

It reminds me of a green haze ghost flowing trough windows, doors and cracks, demonizing everything in it's path.

The skunks are probably the worst "wild thing" I have encountered here in the Verd.

7~  We celebrated Lyrik's 2nd birthday at a super fun water park in Phoenix.

I made it down the dark tube slide alive, yet needed a margarita to back it up.

While standing at the poolside bar, I hear a dude behind me say in a country twang,

"yer hair is runnin' orange down yer back".

The dude was Kenneth, Katie's Tennessee lovah, 

and the orange was the remnants of my newly colored hair streaking dorkness down my back.

I will never be sophisticated!

dammit!

8~  While having a date night talk on the phone to Paula, I knocked a huge cockroach off of my head and on to my shoulder then flicked it onto the cement where I squished/popped him with my flip flop.

I never even said anything to Paula because I'm pretty sure that's something that would keep her from visiting.

But I guess you all should know the truth.

Bugs around here are the norm.

Cockroaches, crickets, beetles, spiders and moths.

But to compensate, we also get dragonflies, hummingbirds and huge butterflies.

I guess it's the yin yang of the country.

9~  We caught the skunk in a cage.

say hello to a 22 shell!

bye bye asshole!

10~  I wore short shorts.

I usually NEVER wear anything shorter than my knee cap because I have old lady skin and veins that look like rivers on a map.

But in this heat and humidity, I had no choice but to break out the daisy dukes!

I now have some understanding of why there are so many 

"People of Walmart" photos!

You just get to the point that you say,

 "hey! I would rather have YOU be in misery having look at me, 

then ME be in misery from a clothing sweat lodge!"

It's called survival.