{Smash me baby one more time...

crank it, crank it down now!}

About a week after my buttermilk bicsuit  smack down, I received a call that they had found "an abnormal mass" in my left breast.

They needed me to go to the Breast Center for addition scans.

When you hear abnormal or mass in the same sentence with breast,

your.

heart. 

stops.

Your life begins to play in a fast forward loop through your head.

You remember the ladies who say, 

"that phone call changed my life".

I really tried to stay calm, and possitive.

Until I knew exactly what was massin' around in lefty, I didn't want to cause a scare in my self or my loved ones by voicing it outloud.

My testing day was May 13th.

The anniversary of my brother's death.

I was emotional anyway, but started to get all dramatic on myself by saying,

"of course, the day my brother died is going to be the day I find out I have cancer!!!  

isn't this nice....hey life!! 

why you gotta beat me with the asshole stick today????"

I decided to definitely wear a better shoe and outfit this time around.....if I'm gonna be hit with the whammie, then I'm gonna look good doing it!!!!

As you can see from the pic above, the embellished wedge looks much better than my Nike runners along side THE boot.

Because there is never an excuse to be a fashion victim OKAY!!!

(((snap left, snap right, and take it down low)))

I was in the waiting room sitting along side three other women.

All three were decades older than me.

They didn't seem as nervous as I.

I assumed that this open gown and squeezin' process is 'old hat' for them by now.

The waiting room door opened and I look up to see a familiar face staring back at me.

It was my biscuit lady MAROLYN!!!!

(Now mind you....I am in a totally different facility than my first mammy.)

She tilted her head and with soft eyes said,

"Jolie honey, I get to take care of you today".

I was so relieved and felt like I had just been bundled in a warm receiving blanket.

Marolyn treated me as one of her own daughters.

You know those kind of women that has enough motherly love to share with those who are in need of a momma for the day.

She gave me compassion, a tight hug, and words to help me stay strong.

(not my breast...btw)

Marolyn explained, that they had found calcification in Lefty-Lucy.

The pictures were similar to the one above, but in mine, there is a trail of these spots (about 8 little dots) running across the length. 

It reminded me of stars in the sky...

we can refer to it as the Lil Dipper.

Calcification in breast tissue can be a warning sign of tumors.

The Breast Center obviously specializes only in breasts, and has radiologists reading the x-rays as the boobies are being scanned.

Many requests were made by the radiologist for Marolyn to adjust, squish, and manipulate poor Left-wina for a better read of where the Lil Dipper was isolated.

Marolyn worked her magic and was able to get all of the shots exactly the way that the doctor had asked for.

I'm not gonna lie.....

I was throbbing, and achy and felt like something came up and sucker-punched me in the chest.......

with a meat tenderizer!

I was as red and purple as a grape fruit stand.

I think it was that last maneuver she had to do that put me over the edge.

One word: crank!

After placing my boob in between the plastic plates, and then pushing the floor peddle to enact the squeeze, she reached for the top of a large screw crank!!!

She cranked my tit in a ringer people!!!

A FRIGGIN' CRANK R.I.N.G.E.R!!!!

Marolyn felt bad :(

I told her with tears in my eyes and a body tremor, 

"oh it wasn't so bad".

She knew I was lying.

This whole process took close to an hour...

put boob in, take boob out, doctor reads scan

put boob in, take boob out, doctor reads scan

and on and on......

Finally, Marolyn said that we were done and led me to a room where the doctor wanted to talk to me.

Between the fear and the bodily trauma just received, I was beading sweat from every pore.

The doc and I shook hands, and he began to explain that Lil Dipper is in my skin tissue and not my mammary tissue.

He apologized for the amount of testing, but he wanted to be sure of his results.

Having calcification in the skin tissue is of no cancer worry.

CAN I GET A WHEW AND A HELL YAH AND A WHOOP WHOOP!!!!

You know you're in a place that means "tit in a ringer" business when they supply you with deo to deal with the after effects of the crank!!!