{Wednesday at the Depot}
I have a friend named Shannon.
We actually do quite a bit together, but you will never see a picture of her.....
She doesn't want her mug shot on this blog.
I think she's worried she will be excommunication if there is proof she hangs with me.
And she's probably right.
Anyway, Shannon loves Bret Michaels (Poison) as much as I have an obsession with Rob Thomas.
Both loves and obsessions are HUGE!
Word got around that Bret would be playing at the Depot Wednesday night.
We were like, "hell yah!!!! we just gotta see this guy upfront with his sweaty weave, makeup lined eyes, and that voice that sings the songs that make us feel like young sluts again!"
I figured my pleather stretch pants wouldn't be wasted on Bret....
so I painted myself into them.....
and had regrets later.
pleather + just shaved bikini line + sweat + gyrating
= painful rash and ripped skin
Oucheee!
Lookin rockin' isn't always the most comfy.
I guess every rose has it's thorn.
This is an older picture of Bret that adorns the side of his bus.....
but oh Sally does it look gooooood!
We, (Shannon, many other groupies and myself) couldn't quit looking at the Big Bret on the Bus.
It was some sweet eye candy fo sho!
First I have to let you know, that I could totally jack-slap myself for not bringing my camera.
All the pictures that I took with my cell phone camera look like this:
Blurry and unrecognizable....so I won't bore your eyeballs with anymore psychedelic concert pics.
But I'm so bummed not to be able to share these moments with you.
It was a rockin' night!!!
It started with the opening band, somethin-somethin,
(forgot the band name...
totally washed up, old, lame
garage band out of Utah County)
They played, and played, and played and then started to look concerned.
Bret was to be on stage at 9:30....it is now 10:15, and this somethin-somethin band is running out of voice and songs that they know.
We were speculating that Bret was either in a diabetic coma,
OR
Hadn't made it through the last girl in the "bang-a-thon" line.
FINALLY!!!! At 10:30ish he came out ALIVE and singing!!!
His hair did have a little bit of that "just effed look", but that could be his norm?!?!?! Who knows?!?!?
The dude was AWESOME!!!!!
AWESOME
AWESOME
AWESOME
Sounded good! Looked Great! Super way fun personality!!!!
He brought it all back to our school days and boy did I feel young again!!!!
Screaming the words to memorized songs....shaking my no-ass in my pleathers...slopping beer down the front of me and living the moment for the good time that it was!!!!
All was going well .......UNTIL I look over and see someone I recognize.
Just as I was about to say,
"HEY!!! You're my dermatologist's assistant!!! I know you!!!"
I had to stop myself.
Stop dead in my tracks!!!
Because standing, grinding, wrapping arms around her from behind,
WAS MY DERMATOLOGIST!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
People....
I need to explain why this is so traumatizing to me!
The doctor and his assistant are both married to other people in the temple!
The fact that they are having an affair isn't so much a surprise that I had to witness a personal side to my doctor that I never wanted to see.
His botoxed face was in pure ecstasy (from what I could tell) with his mistress standing in front of him as a grinding pole.
This is equivalent to walking in on your parents having sex.
Nobody ever wants to see this shit!!!
At every 6 month appointment I have at his office, I always leave with the feeling that there is something between them!!!! As he's looking at my naked body for any irregular moles, he brags about his son being on a mission and how his wife take trips around the world and how he is a scout leader....and blah, blah, blah.
The mistress/assistant would get a bitchy look on her face and seem so irritated with him.
She acts like she's his wife,
but gets jealous because he talks about his wife...the real one!
I KNEW IT!! I KNEW IT!!!
UGCK!!! I feel violated and pukey!
In my drunkin decision making, I purposely bought this concert shirt to wear at my upcoming mole check with Dr. Cheater. Ya know, just so he KNOWS that I KNOW!
But now, I just don't even want to go back to his office.
I'm scarred forEVER!
But, because of the doctor drama, I did get a rockin Bret concert shirt out of it!!!
I never buy concert shirts because they are expensive and I'm not sure that I would really wear them.
But this shirt......I LOVE!!!
Even if it was bought out of the effects of a scandalous affair :)
Maybe Bret Michaels brings out the whore in men and women alike.
That's what you call
Rock-N-Roll baby!
6 comments:
Girl-I can't stop laughing about the pleatha pants. You have to pronounce it PLEA-THU....IT'S WAY FUN. You look rockin in them so it's too bad about the chaffing. Makes me think of other bands I've seen (and known) who've worn pleatha night after night. They must stink with all that sweat and movement. Sorry-I digress.
Anyway-crazy about your dermatologist. We've talked about him many of times so it's crazy you caught him red handed. BASTARD! I think you should go to one more appointment, wear the shirt, and actually tell him while assistant/sexretary is in the room that you saw them there. The look on their faces would be worth the trauma it put you through. Let me just say one more time....WHAT A BASTARD! What is it with the Depot and married people we know going there and getting caught with other people? Remember? Not the first time we've caught a married dude with another woman there. Do they really think The Depot is some secret spot that no one goes to?
Crazy! You should have taken a pic with your camera phone - free appointment any one? Ha ha - just kidding I would be freaked to go back to their office.
OMG! I can't believe you didn't clue me in to the PLEA-THA Pantha look you were sportin'!!! I am so layed-out by that, everything else pales!! Dr. WTF
WHO CARES! Jolie's ROCKIN it!!!!!! ;)
Sarah...I tried to get a pic of Dr. Nasty w/camera phone...it was so blurry and distorted that you couldn't tell if it was a human or big foot in front of me!!! But yes, I tried.
Paula...I was thinking the same thing about band members we knew that wore pleathahhhs all the time. I don't think they shaved bikini lines, so maybe it wasn't such a painful experience for them :)
The Depot HAS GOT TO BE the place where cheaters go with their lovahs. Maybe it has some kind of "don't ask don't tell" cheating policy...there is a safety zone for cheaterweeners.
Thanks Aunt T for the pleathahhhh love :)
I say if you've got it wear it, flaunt it and sweat your ass off, but smile and have a good time. Brett will keep rockin no matter what...he is a die hard!!
E
OMG!! I am such an asshole! I didn't worn you bout the chaffing, sweat, and stank of the PLEA-THU. PLEASE forgive my forgetfulness?? I can't wait to hear bout the look on that doctor's face when you wear the shirt!! Rockin shirt, by the way! You should say something, like, "It was sooo good to see some fellow Brett lovers there? I didn't know you and she were together! Congratulations?? Is divorce hard?
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