{COME RAIN OR SWINE}

Disclaimer: This is gonna be a ginormous post.....sit back, get a drink of choice, grab some munchies. I hope it was worth the wait and that you find enjoyment and humor in what is to come.....

The Bandaid Extravaganza started off with a Series of Unfortunate Events.I will refer to them as SUE.

{SUE #1}

I arrived promptly at noon on Friday at the SL International Airport.

Purpose: Pick up Chelise flying in from AZ!

It was one of those slow motion sequences....arms wide open...running toward each other with hearts flowing from our eyes. I swear I heard violin playing in the background!

Chelise and I grab each other, hop around, do a little happy dance, throw her suit case in the back and hit the peddle heading West.

All the while......her purse is sitting on the curb. Alone. Lonely. And full of cash.It was around the first airport turn that we realized the purse was NOT in the car!!!!!!

Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit!

Hyperventilate!!!!! Hurry! Go back around!

Please be there! Oh my Gahhhhh! Please be there!

Doing 90 mph in the round-about wasn't fast enough to recover the purse.

It was gone! Nobody had seen it.

The next two hours were spent interviewing strangers and filling out a police report.

Poor Chelise! Her eyes were like fat red donuts from bawling. Her spirit was crushed from feeling like a dumb ass. And she was pissed because she has no money. If there was a positive moment, it was when she realized her I.D. was in her back pocket and her phone was still in her hand. She could at least drink and call someone who cares.

Which is what she did...she called Justin and timidly asked what she should do. He told her that if I would lend her some money, then she should still continue on her trip as planned. Awe.....such a sweetheart! Chelise took a deep breath....and said, "I'm over it! Let's get this partayyyyy started!" For those of you that don't know us......we are die hards!

With Paula leading the way in her car, we headed for our destination......ELKO!!!!

Biker Rally

5 bands

Beer!

We checked into the Red Lion around 5 pm.....and climbed the 3 flights to our room.

It took 3 trips with the 3 of us to get it all in. Something about that 3!

Hey! It's not a full on girls trip with out:

CD player, CD's, Coffee pot, Starbucks coffee, chips, dips, samwhich stuff, fattening munchies, v-8, water and BUD LIGHT! Not to mention, lots 0' luggage....a girl needs a variety of clothing to choose from OK!

After having kickass girl talk for 1 1/2 hours we got ready, and headed toward the fairgrounds for the butt rock trio.

We had VIP tickets waiting for us. I couldn't wait to see what VIP entailed.

If we only knew what was in store..............

This is what our hair looked like when we left the room

Lookin' good....lookin' good!

Apparently this was quite the humdinger of events......the Elko Fire Dept was on hand to stand around and do nothing. Firemen! It's a hard life.


It was uncomfortable at first.......we did NOT fit in. We were big city girls in a rural dead end town. Because of that, we were looked at like movie stars! We got, "they're not from around here" with a twangy backwoods accent. Chelise suggested that we buck up and blend in with the crowd. We ordered our 280 oz of bud light/shot of jager combo. Both for a steal at $6! We took swigs and started throwing horns! Yelling "ROCK ON!" "Wahoo!" "Yahhhh!". Being in VIP didn't mean shit! It just put us 4 feet closer to the band and down with want-to-be rockers that had serious mullets, B.O., and few teeth! It was awesome!!!!! We 3 are closet white trash. The outer shell is a pink bubbly champagne....the inner core is Keystone Light.



Great White's lead singer come gimping up on stage. Gimping is an understatement. The dude should have had a laid flat wheelchair. Chelise swore he must have a peg leg! Ah, Ya think??!?He explained that he was in a horrible car accident and broke his pelvis, femur, something, something, big toe, something, knee cap, something, ear lobe. His doctor told him that he absolutely was not in good enough shape to continue touring. Holding up the birdie finger, he says, " I told that doctor that he can take that diagnosis and go f**k himself! I'm going on tour!" The crowd cheered hysterically. That kind of line is exactly what butt-rockers love to hear! Then the band started their first song......ok the only song! The singer's microphone wasn't working. I guess it was just Chelise, Paula and I that realized it though. The band and the toothless crowd carried on belting out the words to the song. Was it just us?????..........the three of us were making deaf gestures with our fingers....."I caun't hewr ew" "tuwrn up yor micwofone". Just then, a pack of Jumaliya's, Chelise's name for 2 large black men who take their roadie jobs very seriously, almost ran over Paula to get to the microphone problem. I saw it coming.......Paulaaaaaaa! Nooooooooooo! Her little feet scooted away just in time. Whew! That was close! We snuggled her into us...vowing to never put her in harms way again. That's when motha nature came with vengeance!


{SUE #2}


It started with sprinkle, sprinkle......added some hardcore lightning......sprinkle, drop, drop, bigger drop, bigger drop, pounding rain. The umbrella was a mini from the dollar store. It's coverage was slight. My back side was against the bottom of the tilted umbrella, which meant ALL of the run off was running down ME!!!! Soaked....totally soaked! I tell the girls, "We HAVE to get to cover. I'm making a run for the bleechers.....follow me!" I'm in the lead, Paula directly behind, and Chelise raking the crowd with the umbrella behind her. Sorry...oops sorry...excuse me....sorry........hitting and snagging bystanders all the way.


Once under shelter, we laughed so hard we could have pee'd our pants! Maybe it was just me almost peeing my pants....I've been known to do that.


This is what our hair looked like after! Sheets of rain coming down...thunder & lightning. A moment in time that was exhilarating.....I felt so alive. Have you ever danced, ran, laughed, loved in the rain? It's as natural of a high you will ever get.



Great White's equipment was soaked. The rain came through the cheesy tarp cover and saturated every piece. I hope insurance covers natural disasters. The only real unfortunate event in this, is that the concert was now over....one non-heard song. That's it! just one! non-heard! It was a fun experience all in the same. I would do it all again, with nothing changed!

We dripped back to our hotel....kicked our dirt splattered feet up, and carried on with girl talk. We talked soooo long, that I had mostly dried out! What I am about to tell you is pathetic and has only happened this one time! I swear! I am getting so comfortable in my own skin and age, that I wore the exact same outfit that night to the Stockmans!!!!!! An entire suitcase with at least 10 different outfit changes, and I keep my stank drenched clothes on! Sooooo not what I would have done in past years. I had a "I just want to have fun" attitude! Plus, I was buzzed and just didn't give a hoot! Chelise and Paula got all hottied up and we strutted for the shuttle. The shuttle to the land of "are we really witnessing this?" The Stockman's hosts the Biker Babe Contest every year. From what I've been told, they have a managery of alcoholic shots behind the scenes for the contestants to devour. I'm not going to be able to go into great detail about the what the "babes" did to win the contest. It would make my fingers feel dirty just typing it. I'm sure you can use your imagination.......even then, it was still probably worse in real life! A professional "dancer" won the contest....she was deserving. I hope her winners package consisted of advil, bandaids, and a sheet to put over her head of shame in the morning! There you go!



The packed to capacity club cleared out after the contest was over. We were one of maybe 5 tables left to enjoy our band friends, The Midnight Riders. They sing a wide range of songs. From hard core rock to slow country. We danced to the very end. We were in a large crowd of guys and gals group jumping, when a young fella said, "I've watched MTV and danced in front of a mirror my WHOLE life for a moment like this!" We were at grown up prom. Feeling young and vivacious. Not a care of what our moves looked like or what our hair had sweated into or that our feet were throbbing and swollen.

Young girl happiness in the purest form!

No prozac can compare.

{SUE #3}

The club had the nerve to kick us out and close.......who closes at 3 am???? My hell! We took time to walk the parking lot....in the rain....and admire the bikes on show. This man, we will call Bob, was riding out of the lot when we commented on what an awesome bike he had. I also told him I was glad that he wears a helmet :) He offered to let us take a pic. At a bike rally, you MUST sit on a bike at least once.....that was the posted rules......and I'm not a rule breaker! The time flew and before we knew it, it was 3:45.....our shuttle stops service at 4. Run girls Run!!!!!!!! I see the shuttle! It's waiting for us. Ten feet before the shuttle door and it drives off! It seriously left us standing there........in the rain! The POURING rain! Awe man! We walk back to the Stockman's......insist that the front desk old lady radio the stupid ass shuttle driver to come back. The stupid driver and the cracked old lady argue for 5 minutes. She looks at me and says, "He said No!" Alrighty then! Can we get a cab? You will just have to wait out by the Post Office and one should be coming around. Yah, thanks! Thanks a lot! We walk to the P.O., in the rain. Here comes a taxi girls!!! I'm going to hail my first taxi!!!!! I'm so excited! I want to make it look like I'm on the streets of NYC! With my smile big and arm stretched long......"TAXI, over here....TAXI! .....TAXI! ...TAXI!" My voice getting louder and stronger with every shout. Doing 40mph, he went splashing by! Not even a slow down!!!! Mercy me! Finally 10 minutes later, a nice taxi man picked us up and kindly drove us back to our hotel at a discounted price. Sometimes there is a ray of sunlight in a thunder storm.


A little more laughing and reliving the night until our heads dropped at 5 am.



The next day, we all had a slight headache, and not a lot of sleep. We were in no mood to screw around with the mops. It was a good hat day! It was also the day that we all had to face......Paula leaving the group. She needed to head back to SLC for Father's Day. If it wasn't for the love that Chelise and I have for Jay D, we would have wrapped her up and held her hostage for another day. It changes the dynamics of things when one person is missing. After lunch, we gave our goodbye's and parted ways.

{SUE #4}

Chelise realizes that she parked her truck at the airport in a $25/day lot!!!!!! For 5 days!!!! OUCH!!

{SUE #5}

Chelise and I wandered on down to where all the action was going on. Closed off streets for a mile, booths, bands, beer, freaks of nature in stilettos, awesome bikes and happy people having a good time. All of the wonderful things I like to be surrounded by. Then why was I not feeling right? Why can I not get energy to even laugh? Why do my legs want to collapse? Why is my head pounding to every sound? I don't even have it in me to take pictures of this circus. Am I really that hung over???????? I thought I better chug a beer and do the hair of the dog thing, or I'm gonna feel like shit the rest of the night. We decided to take the car back to the hotel, freshen up, and ride the shuttle back so we wouldn't have to drink and drive. Once I walked into our room, it went down hill from there. My stomach swelled to the size of a 5 month prego. My body was so achy. My head going bumbum bumbum bumbum! It was the damn SWINE!!!!!! Chelise was so understanding and cool about just kickin' it in the room. We watched 3 men and a baby, Chelsea Lately, some MAD TV and fell asleep for 12 hours!

Needless to say, the ONLY dancing I was doing was that pepto dance.....you know, the one with the hands on the mouth, stomach and bum

And...the ONLY shots I was doing was the pink stuff. Pepto was my little friend Saturday night.

{SUE #6}

While leaving the hotel, Chelise's phone drops from her pocket, is dragged by her suit case and left in the parking lot. Luckily someone turned it in to security. We named the phone Jack......cuz he's all jacked up! She scraped him up pretty good.

{SUE -1}

Her good news came once we were back in Salt Lake......someone turned in her purse! It was waiting for her at the Hertz rental car. There still are some honest people out there, although I guess they felt that they deserved a $200 reward. Her cash was all that was missing. We were just glad the rest of the purse was back.

That would be the end of {SUE} and the end............. of our girls trip.

List of awesome phrases from last weekend:

*I get drippy pits when I'm nervous

*I'm half horney (meant to say half drunk)

*M-T to the efin V

*The Jumbaliya's are coming

*He's got a peg leg

*Look at those homemade chaps!...OMG! she's got a wig on too!

*Are those nipple rings?

*We've gone through 3 rolls of T.P!!!!!

*Pa Pa Pa Please!

It is called "Girls trip" because we are able to find our inner child/teenager/carefree spirit. Just be a young girl again for a few short days! It is medicine for your soul. It is a fountain of youth. It is a belly laugh with no wrinkles. When, as women, did we loose ourselves in responsibilites? Are we not the same core person before children and marriage? I believe we are. My girls trip weekends are proof that I am. This last weekend, I truly felt 18 years old again. The group dancing, splashing in puddles, and silly friend talk. I swear......I feel less wrinkled and grey today. My spirit is happy, I am playful with my children, and my sexuality has been overflowing with my husband.

EVERYONE BENEFITS!!!

Vote YES to Girl's Trips!!!!