{When can we come out of the closet?}

I hide from my own children!

Most of the time it is in the closet.....

98% of the time they still find me.

"Motha Hiding" takes place for many valid reasons, But the majority of the time, is for me to communicate with the outside world. Via phone conversations. I know I'm not the only hide-away. All my BFF's have told stories of their MIA moments. The true questionable act has nothing to do with the Moms....It has ALL to do with the chillins! How can they possibly sniff us out? I have covered my tracks........

Quietly tiptoe up stairs~check

Walk in closet.....shut closet door~check

Stand next to dirty clothes hamper to cover the mom scent~check

Hang Randy's bathrobe from my bangs...to be full body covered~check

This ritual works for about 120 seconds. 2 full minutes of peace! Then, as if loud speakered, "MOM!, MOM WHERE ARE YOU?!" The second child catches on and joins the band wagon! "MOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!" in duelling stereo is an ear peercing attention grabber!

Now my conversation goes like this:

" Hi friend!" "Sorry, what did you say?" "I can't hear you." "Can you repeat that?" "Goddammit! They freakin' found me!!" "Yes, I'm in the closet!" "Yes, I closed the door and am by the hamper.....they hunted me down!" "Their button noses track like seasoned coon dogs! I'm gonna have to call you back.......AFTER they are in bed!"

This my friends is how the "night owl mom" begins!!! The hunters: asleep.....husband: doped on PM's..... The hunted: enjoying late night convo's while drinking wine until 3 am.

The moral of the story is: If mothers could have some alone time....in or out of a closet, there wouldn't be an epidemic of cranky, sleep deprived, alcoholic women!