{Like a bridge over troubled water,
I will lay me down}
I'm sitting here puffy eyed, clog nosed, and heart wrenched by the "Hope for Haiti" tv fund raiser I just watched.
Not only did I watch it, but it was a mandatory family TV night at our home.
My kids needed to understand the despair and destruction that our brothers and sisters are enduring.
I was talking to Paula earlier today, about how hard it is to watch any kind of footage. It seems so selfish and sheltering considering my spoiled life compared to the pain that the Haitians are going through.
I explained, that witnessing the many thousands of orphaned children, magnetizes the instinct that I have to nurture, raise, and love, a motherless baby.
I want to save them all.
And sometimes when I'm not in my right mind,
I believe I can.
I wrestle with my self centered ways.
My contradicting thoughts:
"my life is good. my boys are great. they are semi-self sufficient. jax is stable. randy and i can date again. i'm old. randy's really old. boys' college. private school. new truck. want a new house. new boots. girls trips. concerts. cruises. blah, blah, blah, blah blah!
WHY START OVER WITH A NEW BABY?????"
Then I tell myself,
"because for every reason NOT to, there are twice the reasons you SHOULD"
I battle with this being my calling. I don't know if I'm reading my "life papers" correctly. I don't want to make decisions that effect the children that I have under my wing now. But, I don't want them to be raised without compassion and an open heart.
Both boys asked if I would adopt a sister for them to take care of. They promised to not fight with her, and that they would protect her. Riv says that I deserve to have another girl in the house :)
(Jax wants a 16 year old sister that can drive him around and take him to the mall, library, music store, etc. I'm not surprised!)
An ah-ha moment for me......
Randy and I are doing something right.........
AND I'll be damned if these aren't OUR children.
Not by blood, but by destiny.
They encompass our teachings of humanitarian love.
I'm so proud.
I have room in my heart to be proud of one more..............
We'll see what destiny is to bring.
Why do I get so sappy?
I hate it when I do that.
I'm blaming it on the wine!
My apologies.
Not only did I watch it, but it was a mandatory family TV night at our home.
My kids needed to understand the despair and destruction that our brothers and sisters are enduring.
I was talking to Paula earlier today, about how hard it is to watch any kind of footage. It seems so selfish and sheltering considering my spoiled life compared to the pain that the Haitians are going through.
I explained, that witnessing the many thousands of orphaned children, magnetizes the instinct that I have to nurture, raise, and love, a motherless baby.
I want to save them all.
And sometimes when I'm not in my right mind,
I believe I can.
I wrestle with my self centered ways.
My contradicting thoughts:
"my life is good. my boys are great. they are semi-self sufficient. jax is stable. randy and i can date again. i'm old. randy's really old. boys' college. private school. new truck. want a new house. new boots. girls trips. concerts. cruises. blah, blah, blah, blah blah!
WHY START OVER WITH A NEW BABY?????"
Then I tell myself,
"because for every reason NOT to, there are twice the reasons you SHOULD"
I battle with this being my calling. I don't know if I'm reading my "life papers" correctly. I don't want to make decisions that effect the children that I have under my wing now. But, I don't want them to be raised without compassion and an open heart.
Both boys asked if I would adopt a sister for them to take care of. They promised to not fight with her, and that they would protect her. Riv says that I deserve to have another girl in the house :)
(Jax wants a 16 year old sister that can drive him around and take him to the mall, library, music store, etc. I'm not surprised!)
An ah-ha moment for me......
Randy and I are doing something right.........
AND I'll be damned if these aren't OUR children.
Not by blood, but by destiny.
They encompass our teachings of humanitarian love.
I'm so proud.
I have room in my heart to be proud of one more..............
We'll see what destiny is to bring.
Why do I get so sappy?
I hate it when I do that.
I'm blaming it on the wine!
My apologies.
8 comments:
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. I LOVE READING YOUR BLOG. YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. HOPE EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR THAT IS GOOD FOR YOU ALL. LOVE YA.
hmmmmm.....so many questions, so much to say.....I think I need to save it for a phone call though. You get sappy because you are one of the most loving people I know...it's what your heart is. It's what I love about you.
Your heart is in the right place. It always is. But if you want to "try on" the little sister thing, I can drop Emmy off for a weekend...
Call me when you sober up! LOL
I love you Jolie...your generous heart amazes me. I learn from you daily. Keep on keepin on. :)
universe with you has chosen a chystal light with the vision of clear love. I know you will lead other to your insight and power. I am so blessed with my eternal conection with you, your brother, your husband, my grand sons which you guys brought into our lives. I know you will add to this. love ADJ
We should all get more sappy more often! It shows the trueness of heart! If there is a lil girl in your future, she will be dearly loved. I feel you should pray, vibe, and think on it very hard. Matters of the heart, that have a certain truth behind them, or is something in which we truly want, will keep presenting itself until the timing is right. Is the time right??
Can't wait to talk to you on Tues., or tonight if you are available???
You are such a generous and loving mom! Who knows what will come your way, but whoever does will be blessed to have you in their lives! Love you much! - A
I say do it, what the hell. I feel pressure often that giving your kids more has something to do with their brand of shoe, but two dedicated, loving parents... that is rare indeed.
Sometimes my goons make me crazy and I am reminded of how strong you are to be able to follow through, love your kids, and nurture your marriage not because you had to, but you chose to.
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